Goal Setting for People who have it All

Box ticking the fundamentals is different to setting goals now

From around sixteen years old to my early thirties, I had goals that were big things like finishing my degree, finding a job, meeting a man to love, having children, buying a house, etc. These were fundamental targets that pretty much all my peers were also trying to tick box broadly around about the same time as me. 

Many of these goals were also in the making over years. For example, I wanted to go to university when I was a teenager so the planning had started at home and was facilitated by my parents several years before I actually went.

Each goal was being tackled one at a time – I had headspace. For example, the finding a husband part was something on the back burner for after university and after finding a decent job. 

There seemed to also be a lot of  facilitation by society to help meet these type of big ticket life goals. For example, there are numerous dating apps, schools are geared up to inform young people about their career and further education options, etc.  

Although these goals earlier on in life were in line with peers, done one at a time and very clear and somewhat facilitated, they were certainly not easy to achieve! So, rest assured, I deeply realise that I am very fortunate to have achieved these. I also recognise and am eternally grateful to the random lucky breaks that I have had. 

Nevertheless, I am feeling a bit less purposeful than I used to. Does this ring a bell with you?  

Being busy doesn’t mean you have purpose

If you have a life like mine where you are very busy, you may feel that you just do not have time to set goals. In between being hands on with children, managing a demanding job, housework, school homework, driving the children to school, etc. there simply is no time to do anything else! But being very busy does not mean that you are living a life of purpose. You might be a headless chicken. See my blog on time management here. 

Just like many people who work for an employer, I have spent my working life setting goals at work and then reviewing them. In total, I may have done this over 40 times. I also manage several people at work and have spent a lot of time reviewing their goals.  These goals tend to be focused on tangible deliverables to ensure employees are productive. They do not directly lead to personal long-term fulfilment. 

I am not saying I do not enjoy my work. I love my job and get a lot from it such as making a living, being intellectually stimulated and meeting interesting people. However, most of my goals which are deliverables for my employer will not be memorable in years to come.  

I have spent so many hours on these goals at work, it amazes me that I barely spend time on my personal ones. By this I mean big picture stuff, like how it was when I was sixteen so that it will be meaningful in years to come. 

So, over the last few years, I have started to set my own goals outside of work and the process seems to work quite well. Here is how I do it and it might help you too. 

A simple way to set goals

Step 1: know your buckets 

I like to think of life as a set of buckets or categories that are important elements in your life. My list of categories probably applies to almost every person. Scroll down further below to see these. These categories need some attention throughout your life. Some will take priority over others at different times but nevertheless they all need some attention and progress. 

Step 2: set the goals

Now set at least one goal and an absolute maximum of two which is long-term for each bucket. By long-term, I mean more than 1 year but less than say 3-5 years. This is long enough to feel a while away but still not too long that it is hard to imagine. For example, under fitness, you may want to get better at tennis or lose weight. Or under children, you may want your 7 year old to improve her reading.

Step 3: set the tasks each quarter

Set underlying tasks that have deadlines no longer than 3 months for each goal. The tasks should be a mixture of short easy to achieve ones and some that take up a lot of time. For example, every Saturday and Wednesday afternoon I will spend 30 minutes helping my son ride his first two wheel bike.

Be realistic. You cannot have multiple tasks each quarter to help you reach a goal. 

On the other hand, you may also not have a task for a particular goal right now and that is okay. But be mindful to a category or a goal being ignored for a long period of time, like a whole year. That area is likely to become an extreme or underperforming part of your life that will eventually hurt you.  That is why you need to review all categories and goals at least every quarter and set aside a task to make progress in that area of your life. It does not have to be a complex demanding task, it can be something very simple. For example, for the health bucket, say you had a goal to lose weight. The task could be something like stop having sugar in your tea. Small consistent progress is better than none at all. 

Step 4: Review each quarter or month

Each quarter or maybe at the end of each month, you could look down your list and see how you are progressing. I would do this with your partner so you both check on each other together and then feel accountable. 

I also highly recommend that you do this  in a different environment that you usually do not go to and without children. So perhaps over a coffee in a local cafe. The reason for this is that when you are in a different place, your mind works differently and resets and out of the box thinking sometimes occurs.  

My goals and the underlying tasks right now

Bucket	Goal for this year	Task this quarter
Career/work	Continue to keep work to less than 4 hours per day	Automate repeated processes and continue to delegate
Finances	Save towards investing in cash ISA end of the tax year	Setup a direct transfer of x% of my monthly salary into a savings account
Health / fitness / wellbeing	Improve my strength and flexibility	Go to hot yoga class on Mondays at 9.30am
Child no. 1	Improve son’s reading and vocabulary	Listen to my son read every night in bed
Child no. 2	Socialise my 10 month year old	Take her to the library baby club on Saturday mornings
Partner	Spend quality time together	Date night every last Thursday of the month with grandparents babysitting
Family	Help my parents find a house	Look at house properties on the housing app every Sunday morning and go through with parents on the phone
Social network	Get to know the parents at school	Pick up my son at least 3 times per week and meet one parent after drop-off
Hobbies	Setup a blog	Learn how to setup a website and write 2 blogs per week

I often wonder why I did not implement something like the above goal setting outside of work sooner? I think it’s because it’s very easy to get sucked into the daily grind and not making time to reflect. Setting goals is instrumental to making time to reflect. It also is great for bringing couples together. See my next blog on this topic.